now, then

Oh how I wish I were insightful. A treasure to the world with pearls of wisdom. Truth be told, I write entries full of self discovery, of upset and of complete fluff. This is such an entry.

There are some factors in my life that I have allowed keep me in a state of immaturity. I have stayed stagnant in my social growth since my divorce. Believe it or not, there was a time, a beautiful, yet rocky, learning-from-trials-dust-yourself-off-and-go, time. I was developing. I was a woman with values, making choices, deciding new paths to forge. I had priorities, I had passions. I went into a dark age then. I came out smiling, ignoring everything that could make the woman cry. It was easy. Keeping busy, that was the key. Distraction, distraction, distraction. Anything was possible if I never had to face the problems. Now, what am I?

I am ready to stop the extremes. I can't live that way. I must admit to myself I can be mature. I have been so many times. It feels good to do the impulsive, emotionally justified responses. It never ends the way I want.

So what am I doing now eh? sitting on my hands while someone else controls my changes? I am my own master. I do what is best for me. Time to find that out.